


exile

by damagederudite



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Evelyn Johnson-Eaton, Closeted In Flashback, Exile, F/F, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Jeanine Matthews, Non-binary character, OCD, Outed In Flashback, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con, References to Depression, Rewrite Of Old FanFiction, Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29759274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damagederudite/pseuds/damagederudite
Summary: Jeanine and Evelyn were exiled from Chicago and now live as a married couple.
Relationships: Evelyn Johnson-Eaton/Jeanine Matthews, Four | Tobias Eaton/Tris Prior
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I hate the version of this that I wrote on Wattpad with ever fibre of my being. I have unpublished it and if it is still in your library I would ask that you remove it but obviously I can't make you do that. Let's just pretend like the original version of this with horrible grammar and themes written far too heavily never happened.

Jeanine throws the keys down in the small, ceramic dish by the apartment door. She shuts the door behind her with one arm, her other being taken up by the brown, paper bag in her arm. “I’m home!” she announces, slipping her heels off. 

“That was quick!” Evelyn shouts back from the living room. She sits on the sofa, her legs put up by the coffee table that she has moved in front of the brown leather.

Jeanine walks further into the apartment, pushing her hair back behind her ears with her spare hand. It’s extremely windy outside and she probably looks extremely dishevelled. She tuts when she sees her wife. “The coffee table is,”

“— Not a foot rest, I know.” Evelyn grins. Her and Jeanine have had this conversation so many times throughout their marriage. 

Jeanine shakes her head but she can’t stop the small smile that threatens to turn up the corners of her pink lips. “Do you want to help me unpack or are you good staying there?”

“What do you think?” 

“I’ll go unpack,” Jeanine says, walking to the closed, white door and opening it to step into the kitchen diner. 

“Thank you, dear! Love you!” Evelyn calls after her. 

Jeanine just ignores her and sets the bag down on the kitchen work surface. Evelyn’s been distracted recently. She hasn’t been helping out around the house as much and she gets fired from every job within the first week. Jeanine has tried to talk to her about it but Evelyn always shuts her down.

When everything is packed away, Jeanine pours herself a glass of water and walks back into the living room. She sits down beside Evelyn, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek. Evelyn gives her a small smile but she is obviously distracted, her dark eyes give her away. 

Jeanine takes a sip of water, her eyes focussed on her. She sighs. “We have to talk about it at some time, Evelyn.” 

“Talk about what?” Evelyn feigns ignorance. 

“You know what,” Jeanine says. “It’s not the money, I can support both of us for at least a few more months… But I’m just worried about you.” 

“There is no need to be worried about me.” 

“Just tell me what it is, please.” Jeanine looks at her with pleading eyes.

Evelyn breaths out through the gap in her teeth. “My son.” 

“Tobias?” Jeanine swirls the water around in the glass in her hands. She looks down at the riples before looking back up at the olive skinned woman. 

Evelyn shakes her head. “I don’t know,” She begins to play with a fraying bit of thread on her orange sleeve. “It’s stupid.”

“No it’s not.” Jeanine tucks her feet under herself. “Tell me about it.”

“I just miss him…” Evelyn trails off, looking down at her lap. 

“That’s understandable,” Jeanine says. “I mean, I don’t have children so I can’t properly understand but I can see why you would miss him.” 

“It’s just that we left when our relationship was kind of improving.” Evelyn thinks back to everything that happened before she was exiled. They almost had a mother-son relationship again. 

“I’m sorry, Evelyn.”

“It’s not your fault,” Evelyn mutters. “I just wish that I could see him again.”

“Who says that you can’t?” Jeanine thinks back to the terms of their exile. No, there are no rules about people from within the walls leaving to come and see them. 

“I don’t know… I talk to him on the phone and he has never suggested it. Maybe he just doesn’t want to.” Evelyn wouldn’t blame her son if he didn’t want to speak to her. 

“Why wouldn’t he? Maybe he is just waiting for you to invite him.” 

“I don’t know, Jeanine,” Evelyn says. She looks back up at her. “He doesn’t even know…” 

“Know what?” 

“Nothing.” Evelyn shakes her head, immediately regretting saying anything. 

“What doesn’t he know, Evelyn?” Jeanine asks harsher this time. 

“He doesn’t know about us,” Evelyn blurts out. 

“Oh,” Jeanine looks away. “Oh, I see.” 

“It’s not like what you think, Jeanine,” Evelyn tries.

“What is it like then?” 

“It’s…” Evelyn’s words fail her, she can’t think of an excuse. There is no excuse, it’s exactly like what Jeanine thinks. Evelyn doesn’t want the relationship that she has slowly built up to be demolished in one second because of who she is married to. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Jeanine stands and storms off into the kitchen, leaving Evelyn alone in the living room with nothing but guilt. She should have told him. This isn’t fair.

Evelyn decides to leave Jeanine for twenty minutes. Jeanine doesn’t calm down easily and it’s best to just leave her for a little while before attempting to talk to her. 

Eventually, Evelyn decides to rise from her position on the sofa and walk into the next room. She pushes the door open and sees Jeanine sitting at the kitchen table, taking slow sips from a glass of whiskey. As soon as Jeanine sees her, she downs the remains of the glass and stands to pour another one. 

Evelyn stops her. Jeanine gets like this far too easily and it’s something that Evelyn desperately wishes to stop. “I’m sorry,” she says.

Jeanine scoffs. “Two years,” she says, shaking her head in disbelief. “We have been married for two years. Not together, _married _. And your son still doesn’t know.”__

__“I’m sorry,” Evelyn repeats._ _

__“Does he even know that we live together?” Jeanine ignores Evelyn’s apologies._ _

__“Of course he does.”_ _

__“Hm, does he just think that we are roommates then?” Jeanine asks, glaring at her._ _

__“Yes,” Evelyn whispers._ _

__“Un-fucking-believable,” Jeanine mutters. “I’m not just your roommate, Evelyn. I never have been!”_ _

__“I know that,” Evelyn looks down at her hands again. “And I’m sorry.”_ _

__“Actions speak louder than words.” Jeanine goes to take the bottle again but Evelyn stops her._ _

__“Then, allow me to show you.”_ _

__“Show me what?”_ _

__“I’ll tell him.”_ _

__“Will you though?” Jeanine doesn’t believe her. “Will you really?”_ _

__“Yes,” Evelyn says without hesitation. “You are so important to me, Jeanine.” Evelyn reaches out and takes Jeanine’s hand, Jeanine goes to snatch it away but she decides against that. “If him knowing is important to you, then it’s important to me.”_ _

__“I’m his step-mother, Evelyn, and he doesn’t even know.” Jeanine looks down at their joint hands. She in no way intends to start acting as a mother to Tobias, she can barely stand the man, but she does think that he has a right to know._ _

__“He will soon,” Evelyn promises. “I’ll invite him here, him and Tris, and we can discuss it. But,” Evelyn’s other hand comes up to cup Jeanine’s face. “I need your support.”_ _

__“You have it.”_ _

__“Good.” Evelyn leans in and kisses her gently on the lips. “Good, that’s all I need,” she murmurs._ _


	2. Chapter 2

“Argh!” Jeanine hears a loud noise of frustration coming from her and Evelyn’s bedroom. She walks towards the room and opens the door slowly. 

“Hey,” She shuts the door behind her gently. “Are you okay?” She looks at the way Evelyn is laid out on their bed, her hands covering her face in annoyance. 

“No, I’m not okay!” Evelyn shouts.

Jeanine jumps back, taken aback by the reaction. “I’m sorry?” 

Evelyn sits up, revealing her tear stained face. “I don’t know what to wear!”

“Why does what you wear all of a sudden matter? You never care about fashion.” Jeanine takes a few steps closer and, when Evelyn doesn’t lash out again, she sits down beside her on the grey bed.

“Because, I need to look like my life is together.” 

“Is your life not together?” 

“No!” Evelyn exclaims. “I’m unemployed because I can’t keep a job and I’m married to the woman that my son despises!” 

“Well, I’m sorry that I’m ripping your life apart so much.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Evelyn immediately feels bad. 

“No, you did,” Jeanine tries to hide the hurt in her voice. “And that’s okay.” She shrugs. “I mean, I get it.”

“I just need him to look at me and go ‘well, she clearly has her life together.’.” 

“Then, just be you. People who don’t have their lives together are people who pretend to be something that they’re not.” 

“Like how I have been pretending to be straight for almost five decades?” Evelyn smiles, her humour coming back.

“Well…” Jeanine looks around the room for a response to that but comes up empty. 

Evelyn groans. “Tell me why I married you, again?” 

A smirk spreads across Jeanine’s lips. “I believe that it was something to do with how I give you so much purpose in life… And something to do with how good I am in bed. That’s what you said when you proposed to me anyway.”

Evelyn laughs. “You’re right, I should just try to be myself.” 

“Yes,” Jeanine wraps her arms around Evelyn’s neck. “That’s exactly what you should do.” 

Evelyn looks at Jeanine properly for the first time since she walked in. “How are you already dressed?” 

“I’m an early riser,” Jeanine shrugs. “I got ready hours ago.”

“Show off,” Evelyn murmurs before leaning in to kiss her. 

When they pull away, Evelyn gets up and actually starts looking properly. Up until now, she has been looking for something impossible. Perfection.

“That would look nice,” Jeanine says, watching as Evelyn pulls out a pare of black jeans and a white blouse. It’s been an adjustment for Jeanine to get used to the idea of people wearing multiple colours and colours that don’t correspond to their faction. Having been factionless, it took Evelyn no time at all. 

“Do you think so?” Evelyn asks. She holds both pieces of clothing in front of her and looks in the mirror on the door to give her an idea.

“Yes, very Candor. Fitting considering what the aim of today is.” 

“Very good point.” 

The doorbell rings and Evelyn’s eyes widen.

“They are early,” Jeanine says. “They must have slept over at a hotel last night.” She stands and goes to answer the door.

“Be nice!” Evelyn shouts.

“I always am!”

Evelyn rolls her eyes and begins to get ready.

Jeanine retucks her blue blouse into her black pencil skirt before answering the door, attempting to appear as composed as possible. She takes a deep breath and opens the door. 

“Jeanine,” Tobias states. “I tried to forget that you would be here.” 

Jeanine just smiles at him. She can’t start a fight now, that wouldn’t be fair on Evelyn. “Please, come in.” She steps to the side and indicates for them to enter the apartment.

Tobias steps in first, glaring at Jeanine. Tris follows suit but decides to give Jeanine a small nod. They were on okay terms the last time they spoke. Tobias doesn’t forgive quite as easily. 

“Where’s Evelyn?” Tris asks, looking around the apartment as Jeanine leads them to the living room. 

“Oh, she’s just getting ready,” Jeanine says, awkwardly looking around to avoid eye contact with the young couple.

Tobias nods. “So, you won’t be leaving?” 

“Your mother has asked that I stay.” 

“Of course she has.” Tobias smiles ridiculously fakely. 

Tris looks down at Jeanine’s ring finger and her eyes widen. “Are you married?” 

“Umm…” Jeanine isn’t normally confused on what to say, but she certainly is now. She should have taken the ring off but what’s the point in that if they plan on telling them today anyway? Besides, she hasn’t taken it off ever since they were married.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tris. Who would ever want her?” says Tobias.

Jeanine swallows hard before deciding to go and check up on Evelyn. “Well, I should go and see how Evelyn is getting on.”

Tris and Tobias watch as Jeanine practically runs away. 

“She’s as weird as ever,” Tris mutters.

Tobias just keeps glaring in the direction that she left in.

“How’s it going?” Jeanine asks, walking into the bedroom. 

“Alright.” Evelyn steps out of the bathroom, her hair now tied up in a plait. 

“Are you scared?” Jeanine walks towards her before embracing her. She moves a dark lock of hair that must have escaped the plait out of Evelyn’s eyes. 

“Yes,” Evelyn admits. “But I have you.” 

“That’s sweet,” Jeanine smiles. She kisses her. Evelyn kisses back like she can take strength from Jeanine’s lips. 

“I love you,” Evelyn whispers, placing their foreheads together. “No matter what happens today.”

“I love you too.” 

“Let’s do this.” Evelyn pulls away. She takes Jeanine’s hand and they walk out together until they can be seen and then their hands drop to their sides and they pretend like they are nothing more than roommates.

“Tobias!” Evelyn smiles and runs over to him and wraps her arms around his neck. 

“Mother,” He pulls away and looks her up and down. “You look good.” 

Evelyn looks back at Jeanine and they share a look. Tris notices but decides to not think anything of it.

“Tris,” Evelyn walks towards her. “How are you?”

“Never better.” Tris smiles. She’s not lying, these past few years have been the best of her life now that the war is over.

“Good to hear.” Evelyn looks back over at Jeanine. “I assume that you two have already spoken to Jeanine?”

“Oh, yes,” Tobias says harshly.

“We spoke briefly,” Jeanine says. 

“Good,” Evelyn walks back over to Jeanine’s side and allows their fingers to brush up against each other. “Shall we take a seat?” 

Tris and Tobias sit on one sofa whilst Evelyn and Jeanine sit on the other. Evelyn leans into Jeanine slightly but not enough to raise any eyebrows. 

“Are you ready?” Jeanine mouths and Evelyn nods.

“I have something to tell you both,” Evelyn looks at Jeanine. “Or rather we both do.” 

“Oh?” Tris leans forward to show that she is intrigued.

Without even thinking Evelyn holds her hand out and shows them all the ring on her finger. “I’m married.” 

“You’re married?” Tobias chokes out in shock. “To who?”

Jeanine extends her hand out too. “We both are.”

“You are both married? But you still live together?” Tobias asks in confusion.

Then a lightbulb lights up in Tris’ head. “Oh my,” she murmurs. “They are married to each other.” 

“What?!” Tobias exclaims. He shakes his head violently. “Haha. No. No way.” 

“Yes,” Evelyn says softly. Both her and Jeanine allow their hands to drop and they take each other’s hand as a sign of silent support.

“That’s… No… You wouldn’t,” Tobias says. “You would never marry Jeanine Matthews.”

“I love her, Tobias.” 

“No you don’t.” 

“Yes, I do.” Evelyn speaks slowly, like she is explaining something to a small child.

Tobias mutters something inaudible before standing and walking out of the room. 

“You… I don’t know what to say,” Tris says. She stands and follows her boyfriend. 

“They can’t be together, Tris.” Tobias grabs onto her shoulders. “They just _can’t _.”__

__“Well they are,” Tris shrugs. “And you are just going to have to accept that.”_ _

__“Why? Why should I?!”_ _

__“Because she’s your mother and you love her.”_ _

__“How can I love her when… when that _monster _loves her too. Or does she even love her? I find it very hard to believe.”___ _

____“I find it hard to believe too but Jeanine is human. She isn’t pure evil like you try to make her out to be. She feels things.”_ _ _ _

____Back in the living room, Jeanine pulls Evelyn against her. Silent tears roll down olive cheeks as Evelyn clings onto Jeanine. Jeanine wipes tears away from Evelyn’s face with an ivory hand._ _ _ _

____“It’s going to be okay,” Jeanine whispers. “I know it is.”_ _ _ _

____Tris and Tobias walk back in. Correction: Tris shoves Tobias back in and then walks back in after him._ _ _ _

____“I hate this but I’m sorry,” Tobias says. He tries to ignore the way that his mother is pulled lovingly against Jeanine’s side._ _ _ _

____Evelyn looks up slowly. “Do you mean that?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, he does.” Tris doesn’t give Tobias a chance to take it back._ _ _ _

____“Yes.” Tobias looks at them. “I mean it.”_ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

“So, what’s she like?” Tris asks, she taps her fingers gently against the mug that contains the coffee that Jeanine made her before being pulled away by Tobias. He is threatening her.

“Jeanine?” Evelyn sits up straighter. She is sitting across from Tris at the dining table whilst her wife is off, likely hoping for the sweet release of death, with her son. 

Tris nods. “I mean, we spoke a little during the whole thing with the bureau but never enough for me to learn anything real about her.” Tris thinks back to their conversations. Jeanine is secretive, extremely so. “I mean,” Tris laughs lightly. “I didn’t even know that she is gay. She is gay, right?”

“Yes,” Evelyn nods. “Jeanine is. I’m bi.”

Tris takes a sip of coffee. She doesn’t seem to be affected by the discovery of Evelyn’s sexuality at all, unlike Tobias who currently feels like his head may explode. “So, what’s it like being married to Jeanine?”

“She’s…” Evelyn thinks of a way to explain Jeanine that anyone else could possibly ever understand. “Unique. She’s lovable but she doesn’t like to be. She hates everyone and everything but once you worm your way into her heart, she will love you more than anything in the world. She will do anything for the people she loves and, well, sometimes that can lead to some questionable decisions.” 

“I think I have witnessed quite a few of her questionable decisions.” Tris smiles. 

“I think we all have.” Evelyn sighs. “I know that people hate her, and I really can’t blame them, but she has good intentions behind everything she does. She makes mistakes.” 

“We all make mistakes, Evelyn, but her mistakes were quite big.” 

“I know.” 

The atmosphere in the living room is just slightly more tense. 

“Okay, Jeanine,” Tobias snaps, pacing around the living room in front of her. He pushed her down onto the sofa a few minutes ago. “We need to talk.”

“Okay,” Jeanine places her chin on her hands, leaning forward and gazing at him with harsh eyes. She isn’t prepared to give anything up to him. “Talk.”

“If you ever hurt my mother, I will hunt you down and kill you.”

“I have no doubt.” Jeanine’s voice is plain, completely void of emotion. She’s nothing like how she was when Tobias first met her. Sometimes he wishes that she never changed, that the kind woman that made him question whether his father was right about Erudite stayed. He would have very little problem with his mother being married to her.

“You just,” Tobias lets out a scream of annoyance. “It’s like you try to annoy me!” 

“What am I doing?” Jeanine sits up before leaning back against the soft sofa and crossing one leg over the other. 

“That!” Tobias shouts, pointing at her. “That… _thing _you do when you act like nothing can affect you! I want to hurt you! Let me hurt you!”__

__“You do hurt me, Tobias,” Jeanine says as though it is the most obvious thing in the world. “Every time you hurt Evelyn, you hurt me. And what you are doing right now, that’s hurting Evelyn.”_ _

__“How am I hurting her?”_ _

__“She needs your love! She wants you to love her and she wants your relationship to be perfect!” Jeanine stands and comes face to face with him. “You don’t have to forgive her straight away, but you do have to accept that she made a mistake.”_ _

__“Yes, the mistake was marrying you,” Tobias spits._ _

__Jeanine shakes her head. “You are so closed-minded, Tobias.”_ _

__“My name is Four!” Tobias shouts. His name isn’t Four, he went back on that decision, but there is something about her saying his name. It’s like it gives her power over him. Just like when they first met, when she asked him why he no longer went by ‘Tobias’. She has had power over him since their first meeting and it drives him crazy._ _

__“Okay, Four,” Jeanine says his name like it’s a bad taste in her mouth. “You are so closed-minded.”_ _

__“So what?!” Tobias shouts. He clenches his hands into fists to stop himself from hurting her. “You ruined my life!”_ _

__“I know,” Jeanine whispers._ _

__Tobias feels his eyes widen. He heard emotion. “What?”_ _

__“I know!” Jeanine’s shaking now and tears are threatening to spill. “I know that I did and I’m so sorry but I don’t know what else I can do!”_ _

__Tobias is taken aback, unsure of what to say. “That,” He surprises himself. “You need to do that.”_ _

__“Do what?” Jeanine feels a tear fall down her cheek but she wipes it away with her hand before Tobias can see. She is still so afraid to show weakness, even though that is the one thing that Tobias wants._ _

__“What you just did. Show your emotions. How can anyone ever know that you are sincere if you don’t show how you really feel?”_ _

__“But…” Jeanine looks at him with confusion etched across her face. “Norton always used to tell me that emotions only make people hate you even more.”_ _

__“Norton was wrong. Norton was wrong about a lot of things, Jeanine.” Tobias doesn’t know too much about Norton but, anything he does know, he doesn’t like._ _

__“I know,” Jeanine smiles weakly. “I had to correct almost everything he did as a child.”_ _

__“Then why are you still listening to him?”_ _

__Jeanine shrugs. “I don’t know.”_ _

__“Well, that makes a nice change.”_ _

__Jeanine shakes her head. “Of course it does.”_ _

__“Come on, I still hate you but I don’t want to kill you anymore so let’s go back to my mother…” He looks at her and sighs. “And your wife.”_ _

__Jeanine smirks. “Come on step-son.”_ _

__“Oh my fucking… I didn’t even think about that.”_ _

__“Let’s make a deal, we never take any notice of it.” Jeanine extends her arm out._ _

__“Deal.” Tobias shakes her hand._ _

__They walk into the kitchen and sit down next to their significant others. Tobias gives Tris a kiss on the cheek before sitting down next to her and Evelyn pulls Jeanine in for a kiss on the lips before she can sit down, taking everyone by surprise._ _

__“Everyone knows now,” Evelyn murmurs when they pull away._ _

__“Indeed they do.” Jeanine sits down beside her._ _

__“I’m never going to get used to that,” Tobias whispers to Tris._ _

__“Me neither,” Tris whispers back._ _


	4. Chapter 4

Jeanine wakes up with Evelyn’s arms wrapped around her. She looks at the sleeping woman and smiles with content. She misses Chicago everyday, it feels like it is crushing her, but at least she has Evelyn. Her beautiful and caring wife that she gets to wake up to every morning.

Unfortunately for Jeanine, she also has to wake up to her wife’s son and his girlfriend this morning. She rolls her eyes before gently slipping out of Evelyn’s arms, careful not to wake her. She walks into the bathroom, her eyes still unfocussed and her vision inpaired by her lack of spectacles. 

When she emerges from the bathroom, she is in a towel and somehow Evelyn is still sleeping. The shower usually wakes her up. Jeanine takes her glasses from her bedside table and puts them on before getting dressed. She gets dressed quickly into a pair of blue jeans and white blouse. She has to go back to work tomorrow after her extended weekend break so she may as well enjoy being able to dress casual whilst she can. 

Much like she did when she was still the leader of Erudite, Jeanine hates missing work. The people that she works with also don’t know about her past, they have no idea who she really is. She thinks about telling them a lot, especially Claris. They are so close yet Claris doesn’t actually know anything about the real Jeanine. 

Jeanine doesn’t bother drying her hair before exiting the room and going to make herself a mug of coffee. Drying her hair is only likely to wake Evelyn up anyway and she figures that, if she managed to sleep through the noise of the shower, she needs her sleep. 

Much to Jeanine’s dismay, Tris is already in the kitchen. She sits at the table, eating a piece of barely toasted toast. “Morning,” she greets her. 

“Morning,” Jeanine mutters, pouring a cup of the coffee that Tris has already made. At least she is useful for something. 

“Sleep well?” Tris asks, taking a bite of her toast. 

“Not too bad,” Jeanine says, coming to sit down opposite her. She may as well try and be civil since Tris is being so kind. It surprises her, it really does, Maybe she has been wrong about Tris Prior all this time. 

“Is Evelyn still asleep?” 

“As far as I’m aware, she certainly was when I left her.” 

“God,” Tris mutters. “It’s so weird.” 

“What is?” 

“The fact that you and Evelyn sleep in the same bed.” Tris looks down at her plate. “I’m sorry… I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s so hard to see you two as a married couple.” 

“I can see why it would be.” Jeanine tries to be understanding of how Tris feels since Tris is doing the same for her. They are both confused about everything. This isn’t how Jeanine saw her life going either. 

“You two do seem sweet though,” Tris says. She finds it odd that she almost jealous of the two. They are both forty nine, a lot older than her and Tobias, so they give off this vibe of maturity that Tris just wants. Ever since her parents died, she feels the need for a set of parents to latch onto. Maybe Jeanine and Evelyn are them. But, then again, that’s stupid; she is supposed to hate Jeanine. 

“Thank you,” Jeanine looks down at the black liquid in her mug, she never adds milk to her coffee. “I don’t know if I would call us sweet though.” 

“Why not?” Tris finishes the last bit of her toast and makes her way to the sink to place the plate with the other washing up that needs to be done before coming back to the table and sitting back down. 

Jeanine waits for her to resettle before beginning to talk again, “I just think that we maybe have too bad of a past.” 

“Everyone has a past, Jeanine, it doesn’t have to define your future.” 

Jeanine laughs. “When did you get so wise?” 

“It’s probably something to do with you stealing my childhood.” Tris smirks. 

Jeanine rolls her eyes. “Like Abnegation didn’t already do that.” 

They share a small smile, a moment that shocks them both, before a question won't stop circling in Tris’ mind. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Go ahead.”

“How did you hide it?” 

“Hide what?” Jeanine asks. She downs the last of her coffee.

“The fact that you’re a lesbian, no one knows.” 

“I never intended to hide it,” Jeanine says. “I just never had a reason to tell people either. Well, close friends knew. Your dad knew.” 

“Oh yes, I forgot about that,” Tris mutters. She looks down at her hands. Should she ask this? Does she really want to hear about her father through Jeanine? Andrew never had anything nice to say about Jeanine so why would Jeanine ever have anything nice to say about Andrew? Well, there is no harm in asking. “What was he like? As a teenager, I mean.” 

Jeanine smiles and it’s like all of the memories suddenly flood her mind. She pushes aside the one of their final arguments and just thinks about the happy ones. “Intelligent, kind, caring, fairly funny but I think he thought he was funnier than he really was.” 

Tris tries to hide her surprise at Jeanine being so kind about him. “What about my mother?” 

“Me and Natalie didn’t get along very well,” Jeanine says. “It was mostly my fault but I immediately figured out that she was from the bureau and I just wanted Andrew away from her. I thought that she was using him to get close to me, and she was… She was at first anyway.” 

“Did you fight?” 

“Yes, but I tried to keep Andrew away from it.” 

“How considerate.” Tris grins. 

Tobias breaks the moment between the two when he joins them in the kitchen. He walks straight over to Tris and kisses her on the lips. He then proceeds to pretend like Jeanine doesn’t exist. 

Jeanine moves uncomfortably, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Jeanine was just telling me about my parents,” Tris tells Tobias when he sits down beside her, a bowl of cereal in his hands. 

“Don’t trust anything that she says.” 

Jeanine just stands up and walks away, unwilling to fight. She doesn’t need to listen to him degrade her right now. She walks back into her bedroom just in time to see Evelyn step out of the shower naked. 

“My, my, you just saved my morning,” Jeanine jokes, leaning against the door that she just closed. 

Evelyn laughs. “Not going well out there?” She slips into her underwear, her eyes trained on Jeanine. 

“It’s going surprisingly well with Tris but, unsurprisingly, Tobias is still not my biggest fan.” 

Evelyn walks over to Jeanine and gives her a quick kiss on the lips. “Thank you for being so good.” 

“Anything for you.” Jeanine reaches out behind Evelyn’s back and does her bra up for her. 

Evelyn runs her fingers through Jeanine’s still-wet hair. “I love you so much.” 

“I know.” Jeanine smiles softly. “Now,” She steps back. “You get dressed and I will attempt to deal with our guests.” 

“I believe in you!” 

“Your mother will be out in a minute,” Jeanine says to Tobias as she sits back down opposite Tris.

“Didn’t she come out yesterday?” he says darkly. 

“Tobias, allow myself to be very clear,” Jeanine repositions herself so that she is staring right into his eyes. “You are never to make a bad comment on Evelyn’s sexuality. _Never. I _had to go through that and it ruined me. You will never make her go through the same.”__

__Tris looks at her in somewhat of a new light. She gives her a small nod. She admires that Jeanine can be so defensive when it comes to Evelyn._ _

__“I never said anything offensive,” Tobias states simply._ _

__Evelyn joins the three during a large amount of tension. She sits down beside Jeanine, looking around at the atmosphere that has been created. “Is everything okay in here?” she asks._ _

__“Just fine.” Jeanine gives her a fake smile._ _

__“We are just talking, Evelyn,” Tris reassures her._ _

__“Okay,” Evelyn eyes Jeanine. “If you say so.”_ _

__Tris and Tobias go home in the afternoon, both incredibly taken aback by the events of the day._ _

__“I still don’t know what to think, Tris,” Tobias admits as he makes a turn on the road._ _

__“Me neither, if I’m honest.” Tris looks ahead at the road, her mind clouded with thoughts. She still has so many questions._ _

__She pulls her smartphone out, something that they discovered after going to the bureau, and begins to compose a message to Tori._ _

___‘Jeanine and Evelyn are married.’ _She presses send.__ _ _

____It doesn’t take long for Tori to reply. She is always a quick responder but this one definitely took her by surprise. ‘What the fuck?!?!?’_ _ _ _

____Tris smiles, glad she is not the only one that currently feels like that._ _ _ _

____‘Yeah, two years apparently. They told us today. How weird!!!’_ _ _ _

____Tori replies instantly. ‘Knew that Matthews had a crush on her as a teenager, still shocked.’_ _ _ _

____That takes Tris by surprise._ _ _ _

____‘She did?!?’_ _ _ _

____‘Everyone knew that.’_ _ _ _

____‘I didn’t!!’_ _ _ _

____Tris looks back at Tobias again, her mind is so full now. He appears to be focusing all of his energy on driving, probably to try and forget about the events of yesterday._ _ _ _

____‘You didn’t go to school with her.’ Tori’s message is a simple fact but it offends Tris somehow._ _ _ _

____‘You should have told me!’_ _ _ _

____‘Why??? Why would you ever wanna know something like that?’_ _ _ _

____That’s a good question. Tris doesn’t quite know why she is reacting like this._ _ _ _

____Tris types an apology. ‘Sorry, you’re right.’_ _ _ _

____‘When you get back, come see me and I’ll tell you everything I know.’_ _ _ _

____‘Deal.’_ _ _ _

____Tris locks her phone and goes back to gazing out of the car window._ _ _ _

____Back at the apartment, Evelyn is beginning to spiral again. “Do you think he hates me now?” she asks, walking around the living room in a repetitive circle._ _ _ _

____“No, please calm down.” Jeanine watches helplessly from her position on the sofa. She pulls her legs up to her chin and watches as she begins another full rotation._ _ _ _

____“You calm down!” Evelyn shouts._ _ _ _

____“I am calm.” Jeanine sighs. “He doesn’t hate you, he is just taken aback.”_ _ _ _

____“You really think?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes.”_ _ _ _


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m here to visit Jeanine Johnson,” Evelyn says to a kind looking woman at the front desk. 

“Johnson?” the woman double-checks. There are multiple ‘Jeanines’ working at the labs.

“Yes.” Evelyn nods.

“Name?” 

“Evelyn Johnson.” 

The woman’s brown eyes dart down to look at the golden band on Evelyn’s finger. “You her wife?” she asks, pressing buttons on the phone in order to call Jeanine’s laboratory.

“Yes.” Evelyn drums her fingers delicately against the desk. She’s nervous, she has never visited here before. 

The woman nods and looks as though she is surveying her. She puts the phone to her ear and begins to speak, “Jeanine, your wife is here.” There is inaudible noise on the other end of the line and then the woman puts the phone down. “She’s coming out to meet you.” 

“Thank you.” Evelyn steps away from the brown desk and stands idly in the middle of the corridor. She sways from side to side, holding onto the strap of her black bag. Jeanine isn’t expecting her so this will be a surprise. 

Evelyn wishes that this visit could be a good surprise, but it isn’t. She got fired, again, and then she made a scene and now she may be facing charges. 

To say that Evelyn is nervous to tell Jeanine would be a massive understatement. She’s petrified. She’s so afraid of letting her down.

Jeanine comes to meet Evelyn two minutes later. Evelyn knows that it’s her as soon as she hears the sharp tapping sounds that her heels make on the polished, white floor. Then she comes into view and Evelyn can make out the image of a blonde woman, her hair tied up in a bun, dressed in a completely blue outfit that just screams Jeanine, speed walking towards her. When she comes closer, Evelyn can see a concerned look on her face. She must have figured out that something happened.

“What’s wrong?” Jeanine asks in a rushed voice. She looks her up and down, checking for injuries. Evelyn isn’t injured, it’s her boss that is. 

“Now, before I even say anything, I want you not to freak out and to promise that you will listen to the whole story and hear me out.” Evelyn knows that the likelihood of that happening is actually really low. Jeanine freaks out incredibly easily.

“Sure,” Jeanine lies. “Tell me.” 

“I got fired again,” Evelyn begins. Jeanine’s face softens and she doesn’t like disappointed, she looks sympathetic. She’s aware of how hard Evelyn is trying to keep a job. “And I may be facing criminal charges.”

“What?!” Jeanine exclaims. She remembers that they are in public and speaks quieter this time, “Why?” 

“I… I maybe punched my boss.” Evelyn winces, aware that Jeanine is going to be incredibly angry. 

“Evelyn,” The way that Jeanine is looking at her right now tears Evelyn apart. She looks so disappointed. Not only that, but she looks at her like she is a stranger. That’s not the way that Jeanine looks at the woman she loves. “Why would you do that?”

Evelyn knows that she needs to redeem herself. She needs to make sure that Jeanine knows that she wasn’t being completely stupid. She had reasons. She did. 

“He was making comments.” Evelyn blinks quickly as she remembers the events. He had said cruel things, such cruel things, and she couldn’t let him do that. She couldn’t let him speak about Jeanine like that.

“Comments about what?” Jeanine seems willing enough to listen. She hasn’t completely shut off, even though she is now standing there with her arms folded across her chest. 

“You,” Evelyn’s voice is small. The events of the day make her feel so small. Punching someone should make you feel powerful but it only made Evelyn feel weaker. “He said cruel things about you.”

“Why would he say anything about me? You have been working there for two weeks, he doesn’t know me.” Jeanine is struggling to understand and she can’t shake the feeling that Evelyn could be lying.

“He found out who you are. Apparently he does extensive background checks on everyone that he hires.” Evelyn looks down at her hands and then back up at grey eyes. “He said awful things, Jean.”

“About me?” This is Jeanine’s worst nightmare - Evelyn being affected by her past. Evelyn being affected by her decisions, her choices. 

“Yes. I tried to let it go, I really did, but he just wouldn’t stop. He's genetically pure, like most people that work there, and he kept taunting me. And then he wouldn’t stop talking about you.” 

“So you punched him?” Jeanine hates herself for it, but she is finding it all slightly amusing. Of course Evelyn would lash out to defend her, that’s just Evelyn all over. 

“I’m so sorry.” Tears cloud Evelyn’s vision now. 

“Oh, Evelyn,” Jeanine says softly. She steps forward and takes Evelyn’s hands in hers, Evelyn resisting slightly. “Did he say that he is pressing charges?” Evelyn shakes her head. “Then let’s not think about it.” 

“You’re not angry?” Evelyn asks, avoiding Jeanine’s gaze.

“No,” Jeanine shakes her head. “Just please don’t do that again.”

“Okay, I promise.” Evelyn finally looks Jeanine in the eyes. 

“Okay.” Jeanine squeezes Evelyn’s hands. “Me and the others were about to go out for lunch, do you want to come with us? You still haven’t met anyone but Claris.” 

“Sure,” Evelyn smiles. “That would be great.” 

“Great.” Jeanine releases Evelyn’s hands and takes a step back. “You wait here, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Evelyn watches as Jeanine walks away. She sighs, feeling like a huge weight has just been lifted off of her shoulders. She didn’t expect Jeanine to react that well. Her boss is definitely wrong. Jeanine isn’t a machine, she’s breathtakingly human. She’s heartbreakingly human at times. 

When Jeanine comes back, there are three people with her. Claris immediately engulfs Evelyn in a tight hug. She rocks her to the side delicately before releasing her. “How are you?” she asks. 

“Well,” Evelyn looks at Jeanine. “I have been better but it’s okay, we are working it out,” Evelyn says. Jeanine bites her lip, hiding a smile. “What about you?” Evelyn turns the question around on her.

“I’m good, thanks.” Claris turns to look at the others. She takes Alex’s hand and forces them in front of Evelyn. “This is Alex.” 

“Hi!” Evelyn smiles at them, extending her hand out for them to shake. “It’s so lovely to meet you, Jeanine has told me so much about you.”

“Likewise.” A smirk spreads across Alex’s red lips. “Although,” They look at Claris and then at Phil. “We weren’t all entirely sure that you were real.” 

“I’m sorry?” Evelyn looks at them in confusion.

“Nothing,” Phil says, saving Alex from having to explain the fact that they all thought that Jeanine may have been totally out of her mind and making up an imaginary wife. He steps forward. “Phil, the one that you have probably heard negative things about.” 

“Why would I have heard negative things?” Evelyn acts like she hasn’t heard anything negative about him. She has, Phil isn’t always the best with words, but she has also heard good and she would hate to get off on the wrong foot. 

“I flirted with Jeanine for the first month that I knew her,” Phil says. There is a small grin on his aging face. 

“I see.” Evelyn looks at Jeanine for more details but Jeanine only gives her a shrug. “Did you know that she was gay… And married?” 

“He did,” Jeanine answers for him. She doesn’t want Evelyn thinking that she left out the fact that she was married, even if it had only been for a few months when the team was established. 

“Phil is an interesting character,” Alex says, stopping the conversion before it can go any further. 

“He means well though,” Claris adds. 

“I’m sure he does.” Evelyn gives him a smile.

“Should we go eat?” Jeanine suggests, unwilling to talk about her colleagues' slightly questionable life decisions for any longer. 

They all make their way to a restaurant to eat. Evelyn is surprised by just how easily she gets along with Jeanine’s colleagues, even Phil. It turns out that Alex has humour that works with Jeanine’s perfectly and they bounce off of each other incredibly. She also got to learnt the story of when they decided to try educating Phil on queer terminology together and ended up laughing until their stomachs hurt at his obvious confusion. She already knew that Jeanine and Claris get along incredibly and how much Claris tries to take care of her but it was nice to see her some more. 

That night, Jeanine makes the decision to tell them who she really is. She hasn’t been able to lie to her employers, she never would have been able to get such a high up position otherwise, but she has been lying to everyone else. It’s time that they know. Evelyn gives her a kiss in agreement and they go to sleep, Jeanine lying awake and wondering how she will ever tell them.


	6. Chapter 6

“Are you sure about this, Jean?” Evelyn asks, looking up from her newspaper. She watches Jeanine as she ties her hair up in the ensuite bathroom mirror from her position on the bed. 

“Yes,” Jeanine takes a pin out of her mouth and places it in her hair. She spins around to look at Evelyn through the open door, leaning against the bathroom sink. “It’s time that I do this.” 

“You’re definitely sure?” 

“Evelyn, you’re making me nervous,” Jeanine says lightly. She spins back around to look into the bathroom mirror and secures the bun on the top of her head. She packs the remaining hair pins back away and then reaches out for her makeup bag.

“I know, I know,” Evelyn says. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“I won’t.” Jeanine begins to rub primer over her face with her hands. “Besides,” She puts the lid back on the tube and rinses her hands off under the tap. “I’m used to being let down.”

“Jeanine, I…” Evelyn looks at her helplessly. She is really worried about what is going to happen today. Jeanine doesn’t open up easily. 

“Don’t worry about me, Evelyn.” 

“I always worry about you.” Evelyn stands and walks towards Jeanine, putting her hands around her waist and pulling her close. She rests her chin on Jeanine’s shoulder and breathes softly. “It’s because I care about you.” 

“I know.” Jeanine looks at her. She looks at the way Evelyn looks at her, soft and loving. “If it goes wrong, I will always have you.” 

Jeanine can tell that’s what Evelyn needs to hear because she can see the smile spreading across her angular face. “Yes,” Evelyn agrees. “Yes, you will.” 

“I think that Alex will be okay. Phil too, probably.” Jeanine sighs as she rinses the beauty blender under the tap. “It’s just Claris that I worry about. She considers me her best friend and I have been lying to her for the past year and a half.” 

“Claris is kind,” Evelyn lifts her chin up off of Jeanine’s shoulder to give her more room. She needs to get ready. “I’m sure that she will be understanding enough.” 

“God, I hope so.” Jeanine gets the tube of foundation out of her makeup bag and stares at it for no reason. She is so lost in thought today, she is moving so slow. And this is all because she is worried about what people will think of her. She was always nervous about what people would think as a teenager, especially what Norton would think. But, as an adult, she learned to get over that for the most part. She hates being back at square one. 

When Jeanine is ready, and has downed yet another two cups of coffee, Evelyn waves goodbye to her as she drives away in their shared car. Jeanine is usually the only one that drives, but Evelyn has recently been trying to learn and currently has a provisional driving licence. That scares the life out of Jeanine every time she has to watch her closely to ensure that no accidents are caused. 

Jeanine waves at the woman that Evelyn spoke to yesterday and then continues down the corridor, slipping past a group of men that have been staring at her with predatory eyes ever since she started working here. It turns out that the men beyond the wall suck almost as much as the men in Chicago. Okay, maybe not quite. Marcus Eaton isn’t here after all. 

She inserts the pin and walks in. It seems like everyone else decided to get in earlier today. Jeanine is usually early too but, today, she is only on time. That makes her feel slightly uncomfortable, wrong even. 

“Hi!” Alex waves at her, giving her a small smile before going back to typing away on the google doc that everyone in the team has access to.

“Hi,” Jeanine replies. She walks over and sits down next to them, peering over at what they are typing. 

Phil is the next to say anything. “It was nice meeting your mrs yesterday,” he says. “She seems nice.” 

“Yes, she is.” Jeanine looks up at him, attempting to hide how nervous she is. She looks at Claris and feels incredibly guilty.

“Are you okay, Jeanine?” Claris asks. Of course she can tell how Jeanine feels. She shouldn’t have looked at her.

“I need to tell you all something,” Jeanine blurts out. She places her hands together in order to try and stop them from trembling. 

Claris looks concerned. “What is it?” She reaches out and takes Jeanine’s hand, sitting across from her. “You can tell us anything.” 

Jeanine looks around the room, she meets Alex’s kind eyes and they give her a gentle nod. “My name, before I got married, it was Jeanine Matthews.” 

“As in?” Claris looks at her closely, her brow furrowed. “Erudite leader, Jeanine Matthews.”

Jeanine nods. “Yes.” 

“Oh,” Claris looks down at her hands. “I always knew that you were from Chicago and was an Erudite but… Oh wow.” 

“How could we not recognise you?” Alex asks. In truth, they have only ever seen one picture of Jeanine in Chicago. It was a bad picture too, a mugshot of her in prison. 

Jeanine shrugs. “I don’t know… Maybe you just didn’t want to.” She looks around the room to look at two confused and slightly betrayed faces. Phil looks amused. 

“I knew you were secretive, but damn.” He smirks. “You were the one who took down the bureau then?” 

“Yes,” Jeanine looks down at her hands. “But I did much worse than that.”

“You are damaged?” Alex asks, looking at her from their place next to her. Jeanine nods. “Does anyone else know?” 

“Evelyn does… She comes from Chicago too but I think that I already told you that.” Jeanine looks at Claris, she looks at the hurt in her eyes. “You all would have been divergent back in Chicago,” she says. “I know that you probably hate me.”

Claris shakes her head. “No,” Her voice cracks slightly. “You did what you had to do.” She wipes an escaped tear away from her eye. “I just wish that you would have told us.” 

“Do you still dislike the pure?” Phil asks. There is a light tone to his voice, like he is in enjoying this all far too much.

Jeanine shakes her head. “No, of course not, and I never hated the divergents. I never killed them either, that’s a myth.” 

“Who did then?” Alex asks.

“Eric. Max, the Dauntless leader, he told him not to but he didn’t listen. I didn’t want them dead,” Jeanine looks down at her hands. “I just needed them to fit into a faction for a little bit longer… Until I could figure out what to do with the bureau.” 

“You are promising me that the plan was temporary? You weren’t going to make them hide the whole time?” Claris asks.

“Yes,” Jeanine says. “That was Norton’s plan, my predecessor. I told him that it was barbaric and he… he got angry at me but that’s not relevant right now.” 

“Did he ever hurt you?” Claris doesn’t know who Norton is. It seems that one of the main culprits of everything that happened was left out. That seems unfair. 

“That-That doesn’t really matter.” Jeanine attempts to avoid the conversation completely. She regrets even bringing that evil man up as she recalls the nights that he took everything from her. 

That’s answer enough for everyone so they decide to leave it, not wanting to upset her. Well, everyone but Phil. “The fuck did he do to you?” His voice is angry, no one hurts his friends.

“Nothing,” Jeanine looks at him slowly, tears filling her eyes. “It doesn’t matter.” 

“It does.” 

“He… He...” Jeanine thinks of a way to put it that means that she doesn’t have to say the word but also means that Phil will stop asking questions. He means well, he does, maybe just expects that he hit her once. “He violated me.” 

Phil’s eyes widen. “I didn’t expect that,” he mutters. He walks over to Jeanine and crouches down in front of her, he will struggle to stand back up straight after that. “I’m sorry. I should have left it alone.”

“Yes,” Jeanine gives him a weak smile. “But it’s okay, it’s nice to tell someone.” 

“No one else knows?” Claris looks at her, a sympathetic look in her eyes.

“Evelyn, she knows.” Jeanine looks around again, unwilling to make eye contact with anyone right now. 

“Thank you for telling us,” Alex reaches their hand out and places it on Jeanine’s. Jeanine’s abnormally small hand somehow looks even smaller in Alex’s abnormally big hand. 

Claris sighs, giving into her heart, and stands. She walks towards Jeanine and wraps her hands around her. “We all love you anyway,” she whispers. “No matter what you did.” 

“Thank you,” Jeanine whispers back, her voice muffled by the green fabric of Claris’s jumper.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a heavier chapter. If you ever need to talk, please contact me on my editing account on Instagram @/eruditetapes.

“I got a job!” Evelyn throws her bag down on the table. 

It’s hard for Jeanine to get excited about that statement at this point. She looks up from her phone, she has been messaging Alex about some meme that they saw for the past half an hour. Alex is one of those people that finds everything hilarious and insists that everyone else find in funny too. “Well done,” She forces a somewhat proud look onto her face. “What’s the job?”

“A nanny,” Evelyn says. There is a look on her face that makes her look as though she is awaiting a round of applause that, of course, never comes. “Well you could be a bit more excited.” 

“I’m sorry it’s just… Normally, when you mess up a job, you aren’t traumatising a small child.” 

“Jeanine!” Evelyn whines. “You can never just be happy for me!”

“I’m sorry,” Jeanine locks her phone and places it to the side. She reaches out and takes Evelyn’s hands. “You are right,” She gives them a small squeeze. “I am very proud of you. I know that it cannot be easy to keep going with jobs.” 

“It’s not,” Evelyn says. “But I think this one might be for me. I loved spending time with Tobias when he was small.” Evelyn pushes back the memories of having to leave him, they are too painful. “It will be nice to have a child in my life again. They are so full of life.”

“I never was,” Jeanine recollects. “I was miserable, like the light had been snuffed out of me the day I was born.” 

“I’m sorry, Jean,” Evelyn pulls Jeanine’s hands close to her. “No child deserves that.”

Jeanine shrugs. “It was what it was.” Jeanine wished for a more loving childhood all the time when she was small but, when her parents died, she decided to accept that was never going to happen for her. There was a point in her life, during her mid-thirties, when she thought about having children. She wanted to give them the life that she never had, a loving mother. 

She considered it for a long time, adoption being the main thought. She was taken in by Andrew Prior’s parents when her parents died but Norton had all legal authority over her. He adopted her. He just didn’t want to take care of her. She remembers him telling her that it would be like a ‘really long sleepover’.

Norton could never take care of a child, much less a girl. Jeanine was young but she was growing up quickly. There was no way that he would be talking to her about puberty. There was also no way that he would ever give up that much time to take care of someone else, he always came first. 

Adoption seemed like a good idea, maybe she could make a difference, but then it seemed like too much. She didn’t know how to be a mother, she still doesn’t. She doesn’t have motherly instincts, neither did her mother. Julie lacked affection when it came to her daughter.

She knew people who were having children, people who also claimed to lack maternal instincts, but they were accidents. A horrible thing to call a child, Jeanine knows this. No child is an accident, a surprise maybe. They seemed to figure it out well enough but it wasn’t their choice. They made do with what they had and made it work. Jeanine couldn’t do that, she just couldn’t. The accident was an accident, and a huge reminder of something she didn’t ever want to remember. Something that her nightmares force her to remember enough already. 

Evelyn didn’t intend to have Tobias. She couldn’t use protection, Abnegation rules - and Marcus used to complain about how it didn’t feel as good if he used a condom, so it was hardly a surprise that she got pregnant. The real surprise was that she only got pregnant once. Marcus was insatiable. She should have thousands of children.

Jeanine thinks back to a conversation that she had with Claris. Her and her husband, Ben, have been trying for a baby for the past two years. They don’t seem to be having much luck and it has caused Claris a fair bit of upset. The doctor keeps telling them not to lose hope. 

Evelyn should be good with children, so why is Jeanine worrying? Maybe because, if she spends time with children, she will want to spend even more time with her own child. Tobias. More time with Tobias. 

Something that Jeanine hates the most about Tobias is how he is the link between Evelyn and Marcus. They had a child together, a permanent link, and something that Jeanine could never give her.

That’s why she doesn’t like to think about children. Marcus Eaton. That’s what she will keep telling herself anyway. It’s better for her to ignore the real reason. The reason that she has pushed so far down. The reason that Evelyn has no idea about. 

Maybe it’s time that she tells her. She shouldn’t be keeping secrets from her own wife, not when she knows for a fact that she would be understanding and supportive. 

Evelyn can see how distant Jeanine looks. She is so lost in thought. “Jeanine,” She shakes her hands gently. “Are you okay?” 

“I was pregnant,” Jeanine blurts out. She wasn’t quite expecting to say that. 

“You what?” Evelyn looks at her with confusion. How could she have ever been pregnant? That’s not possible, is it? Then it dawns on her and her eyes go wide. “Oh my God,” she mutters. She feels sick. 

“I was eighteen,” Jeanine says, she makes her voice void of emotion. She speaks like she is telling someone else’s story, that’s how she has learnt to cope. “Norton never knew, I saw a doctor straight away and that was that.” 

“I’m so sorry, Jeanine.” Evelyn’s voice is the complete opposite of Jeanine’s, it’s so full of emotion. She rubs circles on the back of Jeanine’s hands, they are trembling slightly.

“You are the first person I have ever told,” Jeanine says. There is a faint, sad smile on her face. She doesn’t quite know how to do this, how to open up. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Evelyn speaks softly. “That must have been so hard for you to say.” 

“There’s something else that I should tell you,” Jeanine states. This is the thing that she doesn’t know how Evelyn will react to. 

“What is it?” Evelyn asks, her eyes full of love. That will be gone soon, Jeanine thinks.

“You know how Norton died from a heart attack?” Jeanine begins. Evelyn nods. “Well, he didn’t really die from a heart attack. He died from a serum that gave the impression of a heart attack.” 

“Jeanine, what are you saying?” 

“It was me, Evelyn.” Jeanine thinks back to the night that she killed him. She couldn’t take it anymore. More factionless being tortured for his amusement more than actual science. More young women that he seemed worryingly close to. She had to do something. Norton had to die. 

“You killed him?” 

“Do you hate me?” Jeanine asks. She braces herself for what’s to come but nothing does. How could it? Evelyn killed Marcus (Jeanine was there). She understands.

“No,” There are tears in Evelyn’s eyes when she releases Jeanine’s hands and, instead, cups her face with her hands. “Of course I don’t. You did the world a favour. He was a despicable man.” 

“He was still a man,” Jeanine says weakly. “I still killed another human.” 

“Am I supposed to be shocked by that?” There is a light tone to Evelyn’s voice now.

“Good point.” Jeanine properly smiles now. It feels good to have told her. 

It’s a memory that she doesn’t like to think about. Corrective rape, that’s what Norton said it was. He claimed to want to help her. Jeanine’s revenge wasn’t killing him, that was something that needed to happen for the wellbeing of all Erudites. Her revenge is what she’s doing now, being married to Evelyn. 

“If you ever want to talk about it, we can. But it’s also okay if you never want to talk about it again,” Evelyn reassures her. 

“Thank you.” Jeanine wipes a tear away from her cheek. “I just want to move on from him. He doesn’t get to control me anymore. He isn’t my predecessor anymore, we aren’t in Chicago and I’m not Erudite leader. He was nothing to the world but a menace and the world is much better now that he is gone.”

“That’s very true,” Evelyn says. “But you can’t blame yourself if you still think about him. I still think about Marcus.” 

Jeanine nods. “I know.” 

Evelyn looks at Jeanine and sighs. “I never would have been able to leave Marcus if it wasn’t for you. I’m so sorry that I had to hurt you in the process.” 

“It’s okay,” Jeanine says. “You are here now.” She leans in and kisses her softly. Norton flashes up briefly in her mind but she pushes him back away. He doesn’t get to ruin this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback that starts when they are 14!

Jeanine watches from her position on the bench outside as Andrew attempts to approach an Erudite girl. He walks over to her slowly, looking like he is about to chicken out and come running back to Jeanine at any time. He waves awkwardly and Jeanine facepalms. This is so hard to watch. 

“Hello,” Andrew says. “I’m Andrew, it’s lovely to meet you.”

The girl looks at him like he is an alien. “Hello? I’m Lucy.”

“Wow, that’s a lovely name. It means light, right?” 

“I really wouldn’t know.” The girl looks behind him to see Jeanine staring at them. Jeanine immediately holds a book up to her face but she knows that the girl has already spotted her. “I thought I knew you,” She grins. “You are the boy who hangs around with the weird girl.” 

“She’s not weird…” Andrew fidgets uncomfortably. 

“Then you must be.” Lucy looks him up and down judgmentally. “Go back to your weird friend, and maybe learn how to talk to girls.” 

“Please, just give me a chance.” 

“Tell me something interesting about yourself.” Lucy decides to give him a chance. 

“I really like space.” 

“Yeah, no.” The girl pushes past him. She won’t be staying in Erudite. 

Andrew watches as she walks away like a rejected puppy. He looks back over at Jeanine, who is grimacing from second-hand embarrassment, and gives her a pathetic thumbs down. Jeanine rolls her eyes, he doesn’t need to tell her that it went bad. 

Andrew walks back over, throwing himself down next to her.

“I see that went well for you,” Jeanine sarcastically remarks. 

“Don’t even try to speak, you are single too,” Andrew snaps. 

“Tetchy,” Jeanine says. “Besides, I have an excuse.” 

“Oh yeah?” Andrew turns to look at her. “What’s that?” 

“I’m very, very, very deeply closeted.” 

“Well you would think that you would have a better clothing sense then.” Andrew stands up and walks away. He is embarrassed. 

Jeanine rolls her eyes and sighs before running off after him. “It’s not that bad,” she tries. “Everyone gets rejected, it’s just a part of life.” She is practically jogging in order to keep up with him. 

“Not a part of your life,” Andrew looks ready to cry. “You are perfect.” Then he starts running and he is much faster than Jeanine so she has no choice but to walk home on her own. It’s a good thing that she likes her own company really. 

When Jeanine gets home, Andrew is shut away in his room. He is probably crying to some pathetic love song like he has been with the girl for the past two decades and they just broke up. 

“Do you know what’s wrong with Andrew?” Carrie asks as soon as Jeanine hangs her coat up on the peg on the wall. 

“He got rejected,” Jeanine mutters. She throws her satchel down on the table and undoes the clasps. 

“He would have to ask someone out in order to get rejected,” Kevin says. He picks up the paper that Jeanine just put down on the table. “Full marks, again, well done.” 

“Thanks.” Jeanine would be happy but it’s the same every test. And she can’t stop thinking about what Andrew said to her. Maybe she does make him feel inadequate. “Anyway, he did ask someone out.” 

“Seriously?!” Kevin exclaims, finding it incredibly hard to believe.

Jeanine nods. “Seriously.” 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Kevin puts the paper back down on the table. “I should go and talk to him.” 

“Oh dear God,” Carrie mutters as she watches him walk towards their son’s bedroom. 

“Andrew is going to kill me,” says Jeanine. 

Both Jeanine and Carrie watch as Kevin knocks on Andrew’s door with a large amount of dread. Kevin has a special way of making things worse. 

“I heard you asked a girl out,” Kevin says as soon as his son opens the door. He looks at him, a proud look on his face. “I’m so proud of you, son.” 

Andrew stares in shock, unsure of what to say. “I…” He looks over Kevin’s shoulder to see his mother attempting to do anything to seem busy whilst still listening. Then he glares at Jeanine, unhappy that she told him. Usually, Andrew doesn’t want to keep anything a secret from his parents. But this is just so embarrassing to him. 

“I will murder you,” he mouths at her. 

Jeanine turns away and asks Carrie if she needs any help with the clothes she is currently refolding for no good reason. 

“I saw that,” Kevin says. “Don’t say things like that to Jeanine. It’s not a nice side of you Andrew.” 

“But it’s not fair!” Andrew wails, taking Kevin by surprise. 

“What’s not fair?” Kevin asks, attempting to remain calm. 

“Everything!” Andrew waves his fists around, unsure of what to do. There are so many emotions coming over him right now and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to process them. He looks at his mom and Jeanine. “Come in.” 

Kevin walks into Andrew’s room and shuts the door behind him. “What is this all about?” 

“Jeanine’s so perfect all the time. Perfect grades, perfect behaviour,” That’s definitely not true, Jeanine has got in trouble for talking back to teachers at least five times this week and it’s only Wednesday. “Perfect attendance. And I bet if she asked someone out, they would say yes.” 

“Yeah, well, that’s not happening any time soon because she’s,” 

“-- Very deeply closeted, I know!” Andrew buries his face in his hands. “Oh God, I made a horrible comment about that.” Andrew immediately feels guilty. He feels guilty for what he said to Jeanine, how he ran off and left her behind, how he stormed through the apartment and didn’t even say ‘hello’ to his parents. “I’ve been awful.” 

“No you haven’t been, Andrew,” Kevin says. “You never even say one thing that’s slightly mean. Everyone has their moments.” He puts his hand on Andrew’s shoulder and shakes it gently. “I’m proud of you for everything, my boy.” 

“You wouldn’t be if you knew how I asked her,” Andrew mutters. “I acted like a startled meerkat.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” says Kevin. “If I know how to speak to girls, you must know how to speak to girls, right?”

“You don’t have a clue how to speak to girls, Kevin!” Carrie yells from the kitchen. “When we first met, you introduced yourself by asking me if I wanted to do the conga.”

Andrew looks at Kevin.

“May have been drunk,” Kevin admits.

Andrew doesn’t even think about the fact that his mother, and therefore Jeanine, can hear him. He is far too caught up on the fact that he may actually be better at talking to girls than his father is. 

***

“Okay,” Jeanine sits down on Andrew’s bed, crossing one leg over the other. “Give me your best.” 

There is no point in Andrew being embarrassed around Jeanine, she has seen him do so many idiotic things, so he just goes for it. “Are you religious?” Andrew asks, a seductive tone to his voice. “Because you are the answer to all of my prayers.” Jeanine just stares, and then she blinks quickly, and then she stares again. “I clearly left you stunned for words, did it work?” Andrew’s voice is cheery. 

“Well, you certainly spoke,” Jeanine says. 

“Okay, okay, let me try again.” Andrew turns around, puts his hands in the pockets of his navy blue trousers, and then dramatically turns back around again. “Are you a parking ticket?”he begins. Jeanine braces herself. “Because you’ve got fine written all over you.” 

“I…” Jeanine is lost for words, yet again, but that is certainly not a good thing. “Where are you finding these?” 

“This book I saw in the library.” 

“Remind me never to let you near the library again.” 

“Okay, one more go?” Andrew looks at her expectantly. 

“Fine,” Jeanine repositions herself on the bed, tucking her skirt back under herself. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.” 

Andrew means business this time. “Hello Miss,” He sits down beside her. “Would it be okay if I touch you? Then I can tell my friends that I have been touched by an angel.” 

Jeanine bursts out laughing. “You’re awful!” she exclaims. 

“One more go?” He looks at her with pleading eyes. He needs to do well at this. 

“I’m going to have to start charging you,” Jeanine mutters.

Andrew stands back up, an eager look on his face that quickly turns to an attempt at sultry, and begins to slowly walk towards Jeanine. “Hey,” He nods his head in a way that already has Jeanine laughing but she forces herself to stop. There will be time for laughing in a minute. “Kiss me if I’m wrong,” He sits down next to her, leaning close and invading her personal space. “But dinosaurs still exist, right?” 

Jeanine comes closer to him, teasing him, before slapping him lightly across the face. “This is going to give me nightmares.” 

Andrew falls back on the bed, his hands covering his face, and groans. “I am awful!” 

“You could be worse,” Jeanine says, laying down next to him. “This boy once told me that I would look good inside of him.”

Andrew chokes. “What?!” 

“As I said, you could be much worse.” 

“I’m hungry,” Andrew mutters, sitting up and getting off of the bed. “I’m going to see if Dad hasn’t eaten the whole apartment.” 

“I’ll come with you.” Jeanine follows him out of his bedroom and they come face to face with Andrew’s parents. 

“That was atrocious,” Kevin comments. 

“You were watching?!” Andrew exclaims. 

“Only part of it,” Carrie reassures him.

“Speak for yourself,” says Kevin. “I watched it all.” He looks at Jeanine. “What was that like for you?” 

“I have never felt gayer,” Jeanine says, causing Andrew to go bright red. 

“How come you still got Mom, Dad?” Andrew asks. This isn’t fair. All he wants is one decent way to get a girl.

“I was in a charitable mood,” Carrie jokes. 

Kevin rolls his eyes. “It was my dashing good looks, dear boy. I was quite the looker.” 

Carrie bursts out laughing. “Definitely not!” 

***

“Do you think that someone likes me?” Andrew asks, holding his books close to his chest. One of them is his favourite astronomy book. He can’t stop thinking about what happened with Lucy. 

“Sure,” Jeanine holds open the door for him and they enter school. “I mean, I like you.” 

Andrew laughs lightly. “Thank you but I don’t think that the lesbian, who is being raised by my parents, quite got what I meant.” 

“Oh! You mean…” Jeanine thinks. She doesn’t really know what to tell him. “I don’t know Andrew.” She hits him lightly. “And don’t say things like that here.”

“Sorry,” Andrew apologises. “I forgot.” 

That makes Andrew feel even worse. He can’t ask girls out, he can’t keep girls’ secrets. He’s a disaster. 

“It’s fine,” Jeanine looks around to check that no one could have heard. “You didn’t mean to.” 

“I just feel so lonely sometimes, you know?” Andrew kicks the scrunched up piece of paper under his feet. 

“Yeah,” Jeanine says softly. “I do.” 

They make their way to their first lesson of the day - maths. The lesson ends soon enough and they pack up and leave together. 

“Oh, look!” A Dauntless boy taps a Dauntless girl on the shoulder. “It’s the two Erudite weirdos!” 

Andrew swallows and attempts to ignore them, whilst Jeanine takes a slightly different approach. She flips them off and just keeps walking. 

“You are going to get jumped one day,” Andrew whispers. He isn’t wrong, she will, just not for the reasons that they currently think. When Marcus has his way, when he reveals what Jeanine has been desperately trying to hide for the past three years - her sexuality, she will come home bruised and bleeding. But not yet. She isn’t important enough yet. Just a weird, smart girl with her weird friend. 

“Maybe,” Jeanine says. It’s not like she doesn’t worry about it, she has thought about it happening before, she just tries to ignore it. Norton would protect her if something happened, that’s what she thinks. She’s wrong. 

“I’m probably more likely,” Andrew mutters, looking down at the floor. One punch, that’s all Andrew will experience of physical harm in school. It will happen when he is fifteen and stupidly laughs at an angry Dauntless’s wrong answer. 

“You’re too pessimistic.”

“Hah! That’s rich!” 

Jeanine opens the door to their faction history class and they slip in. They sit at the back because they were considered well behaved when the seating plan was first made. The teacher, an old and surly woman, keeps threatening to move Jeanine to the front. There is an empty space next to a cruel Candor girl. 

Jeanine doesn’t want to cause trouble. She isn’t acting up for attention. Some of her teachers just drive her crazy. They make mistakes all the time and she just wants to help by correcting them but they don’t like that. Then Jeanine gets upset because why don’t they? She is helping them develop their knowledge. She doesn’t understand. Norton says that everyone should want to learn at all times. 

Then she gets bad tempered and teachers, especially her faction history teacher, don’t like her. 

The only teacher that likes her is her english teacher. She’s young and sweet. She’s an Amity transfer. She has bright red hair and piercing green eyes, an ultra rare combination. Jeanine would be lying if she said that she hasn't developed a small crush on her. 

The lesson begins and the teacher makes another mistake, Jeanine corrects her and ends up getting sent out for two minutes so that she ‘remembers her place’. ‘She will remember her place when I’m leader’, Jeanine thinks. 

“Miss Matthews, are you ready to learn now?” the teacher asks in a condescending tone as Jeanine reenters the classroom and shuts the door behind her. 

“I already know all of this,” Jeanine mutters under her breath. She has to give the teacher an audible reply so she makes her voice sound sweet and says, “Yes, Miss, sorry for the interruption.” 

Bullshit. She isn’t sorry at all.

A dark haired girl with olive skin and sharp features chuckles under her breath, Evelyn Johnson. She hates the teacher almost as much as Jeanine does. It’s just that Evelyn would never have the courage to say anything. 

“Can’t stand people disrespecting teachers,” Marcus says. He sits next to Evelyn.

He doesn’t care about disrespecting teachers, all he cares about is his hatred for Jeanine. When they were little, Marcus thought that she hung the stars in the sky. But that quickly went downhill when he asked her to be his girlfriend when they were ten. 

Jeanine politely said ‘no’. She didn’t want to upset him. She just didn’t like him, plain and simple. But Marcus doesn’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer. He started hating her. Why would she turn him down? It made him so angry.

That same day, Marcus started hating Jeanine and Jeanine started wondering why she felt so drawn to Marcus’s female best friend and not him.

Evelyn and Marcus have been close ever since school started. Evelyn isn’t like the other Erudites, she never fooled herself into thinking that she was. She doesn’t care about learning, she wants to help people. So, when a little Marcus Eaton fell over and everyone laughed at him, she held her hand out and became his friend. 

They have been close ever since, but sometimes Marcus can make her uncomfortable. When Jeanine rejected him, he started focusing all of his energy on Evelyn. But his energy was no longer soft. Jeanine didn’t want that so surely no girls would. He became aggressive. 

Evelyn tries not to think about it since it’s not like she has any other friends to spend time with. 

Evelyn turns around to look at Jeanine as she settles back into her chair and the momentum of the lesson. Jeanine looks up and her eyes catch Evelyn’s. She tears them away, feeling incredibly awkward.

Andrew notices and a small smirk spreads across his chapped, much to the dismay of Carrie, lips. “Why’d you look away like that?” he whispers.

“Like what?” Jeanine doesn’t look up from her page.

“Like you had been caught staring at your crush.” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Andrew. Please be quiet, I am trying to learn about the formation of the factions for the millionth time.” 

Andrew’s smirk grows. 

***

Partner work: something Jeanine hates. Partner work when the teacher selects your partner for you: something Jeanine despises. 

Working with Andrew is one thing. Being put with a random person that you barely know and definitely thinks you are weird is a totally different thing.

“Jeanine Matthews,” The old faction history teacher surveys the class with her eyes. Her lips curl up into a mischievous smile. “And Evelyn Johnson.”

The teachers logic is that Evelyn isn’t the brightest, she is failing most of her classes, she will drive Jeanine crazy. 

The teacher announces that it’s time for everyone to move to a table with their partner and Jeanine and Andrew have to split up. Andrew is paired with Marcus. Poor him. 

“Hi,” Evelyn says. “I’m Evelyn.”

“No way,” Jeanine sarcastically mutters. “It’s almost like she didn’t say your name.”

She is being mean. Why? She doesn’t really know. Jeanine’s hardly known for her good social skills. She can’t deal with this right now. Andrew is still trying awful pick up lines. His love life is bad enough, she doesn’t need her own problems there too. 

“Sorry?” Evelyn looks at her closely. “Did I do something to offend you.”

“No,” Jeanine shakes her head. “No, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know why I said that…” 

“It’s okay. How about we start over?” Evelyn offers. She sees something in Jeanine, some sort of kindness buried deep down. 

“Okay.” Jeanine smiles at her. “Hi, Evelyn. I’m Jeanine.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Jeanine.”

It’s not like they haven’t spoken before. They have, several times, but it was a long time ago. Jeanine is an entirely different person. Her mother’s death, being closeted, Norton’s constant criticism - it all changed her. Evelyn seems pretty much the same. Kind and caring.

***

“You like Evelyn, don’t you?” Andrew asks as him and Jeanine walk home.

Jeanine looks at him. “What makes you say that?” 

“You look at her in a certain way.” Andrew ducks under a tree branch. “I’ve never seen you look at anyone like that before.” 

“That’s because I usually hate people.” 

***

Time goes quickly. The project is long, six weeks. By second-to-last week, Jeanine and Evelyn have become close. Close enough for talks about crushes to start.

“Do you like anyone?” Evelyn questions, looking up from her keyboard. 

Jeanine shakes her head. “No.” That’s a lie but, if she says yes, Evelyn will ask questions. She can’t tell her that she has a crush on her. 

“Really?” Evelyn nudges her with her foot under the table. “None of the boys in our faction history class take your fancy?”

Jeanine shakes her head again. “No,” she repeats. Evelyn doesn’t know. Jeanine doesn’t know if she can trust her. No matter how kind she seems, she is best friends with Marcus Eaton. 

Evelyn looks at her suspiciously. “You’re lying about something.” 

“I’m not,” Jeanine turns the page of the textbook in her hand. “I’m just withholding the truth.”

“Why would you withhold the truth?” 

“Because I don’t know how you would react if I told you something.”

“Try it.” Evelyn shrugs. “Find out.”

“I don’t like boys,” Jeanine blurts out. Her voice turns quieter and she says, “I like girls.”

“Oh?” Evelyn tries to contain her joy. “Well that’s okay.” 

“Is it?” Jeanine tucks a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

“Yes, of course it is,” Evelyn says. “But that’s not all, is it?” She leans closer. “Can I kiss you?” 

“M-Me?” Jeanine stutters. Evelyn nods, grinning. “Uhh, yes. Yes please do. But I-I’ve never kissed anyone bef-“ 

Evelyn cuts her off by pressing her lips against hers. She pulls back. “Me neither.” She smiles

It was a couple of weeks ago that it hit Evelyn. She likes Jeanine. A sexuality crisis followed and she is still confused but she knows one thing - she likes Jeanine. 

***

“What’s your deal with Jeanine?” Marcus asks, hitting Andrew with his foot under the table.

Andrew winces. Marcus is impossible to deal with but he has to tolerate him. “Her parents are dead, my parents were best friends with her parents, we took her in. Norton asked us to and we weren’t going to say no, were we?” Andrew tells him. It’s an invasive question. Marcus is always rude to him, he doesn’t deserve to ask questions about Andrew’s life. 

“So you have never fancied her?” Marcus asks, looking at him with a disgusting expression. It’s like he wants him to say ‘yes’. Of course he hasn’t, they are like siblings. 

“No, Marcus,” Andrew says. “Of course not.” 

Andrew knows that Marcus liked Jeanine. He remembers when it all happened. Jeanine seemed different after it but he never asked her why, it was hardly his business. Marcus seemed different too. He was crueler. He began going after any girl that would even look in his direction. 

“She’s got better looking with age.” Marcys throws his notepad down on the table, causing it to make a loud noise. “Fuck that bitch.” 

“She didn’t like you, Marcus,” Andrew sounds bored. “Get over it.” 

Andrew can’t stand Marcus’s entitlement, he acts like all girls have to like him or there is something wrong with them. It’s disgusting. Andrew would never act like that. It hurt when Lucy rejected him, but that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with her. 

“You know her well enough,” Marcus says like he has just remembered that they live together despite talking about it less than two minutes ago. “Is she with anyone else? Some boy that I can go and beat up?” 

“Not that I am aware of, Marcus.” Andrew is exasperated. Why can’t he just shut up about Jeanine and do his work for once? Andrew is doing everything in this project. It’s only one more week, he tries to remind himself. 

“She doesn’t talk to you then? Does she think that you are a weird freak too?” 

“She talks to me plenty, just not about that.” 

No, it’s Andrew that talks about his pathetic love life. There is still no improvement on the flirting. 

“Is she a lesbo? Is that why she never talks about it?” Marcus leans back in his chair.

Andrew wants to punch him, so bad. Not only should he not be speaking about Jeanine like that because it’s a use of homophobic langauge, which is the exact reason that Jeanine is still too afraid to come out to more than four people, but he also shouldn’t be viewing women like that. Some women don’t like him, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t attracted to any men at all. He needs to grow up. 

Andrew wants to punch him, but he can’t. He simply says, “Please don’t use language like that, Marcus. It’s offensive.” 

“You're offensive.” That’s an awful comeback but Marcus couldn’t think of anything else. 

“Oh yeah?” Andrew shuts the textbook on the table and folds his hands on top of it, looking at Marcus from across the table. “Why is that?” 

Marcus falters, unsure of what to say. “Your outfits,” Wow, how pathetic. “They are ugly.” He stands up and walks off, undoubtedly going to chat up some random girl that he would never have a chance with. 

Andrew takes this as a chance to actually get something done without Marcus bothering him, so he puts his head down and begins to work hard. 

Jeanine and Evelyn are sat in the library at the same time, going over some maths work that Evelyn needs help with (they have finished the project already, Jeanine’s a fast worker and Evelyn likes to watch her so concentrated so she never bothered her). 

“I just don’t get it!” Evelyn whines. She was a bit too loud so the old library presses her fingers to her lips and shushes her. Evelyn rolls her eyes. 

“A lot of people don’t get it the first time,” Jeanine reassures her. “We will get there eventually.” 

Jeanine has become slightly concerned with Evelyn’s academics. It doesn’t appear that she will be staying in Erudite so what does that mean for them? Nothing. Marcus will break them up before then anyway. 

“What’s it like being so close with Andrew?” Evelyn asks. She can’t do any more maths right now. 

Jeanine can tell that Evelyn needs a break so she humours her. “He’s lovely. Why do you ask?” 

Evelyn shrugs. “He gets a lot of mean comments and I just don’t understand why.”

“It’s probably because of me.” Jeanine smiles faintly. “But, you are right, he doesn’t deserve it.” 

“I hate this school,” Evelyn mutters. 

Jeanine nods in agreement. 

***

“Andrew,” Jeanine begins, sitting down beside him on his blue bed. “I need to talk to you and you need to promise me that you won’t freak out.” 

“Okay, go ahead.” Andrew indicates with his hand that she should tell him. 

“Me and Evelyn are together.” 

“What?!” Andrew exclaims. 

“I told you not to freak out,” Jeanine reminds him. 

“Right,” he murmurs. “Sorry. How did that even happen?” 

Jeanine shrugs. “It just kind of did.” She blushes. “She asked me if she could kiss me.” 

“Oh God, that’s so sweet.” Andrew is stuck between being happy for his friend and being incredibly jealous. Why can’t things like this happen for him? Patience Andrew, just one more year and they will. 

“I know.” Jeanine begins to fidget with her blazer. “Are you okay with that?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Andrew asks.

“It’s just that I know that you have been feeling down lately and I don’t want to make it even worse.” 

Jeanine can’t help but feel guilty. Andrew deserves to be with someone. But he is also still young, romance at this age rarely lasts. Love doesn’t make you, Jeanine tries to remind him that, but Andrew feels lonely. He has only ever really had Jeanine. Maybe even a new friend could make him feel better. 

“I’m happy for you, Jeanine. I really am.” 

***

“Hello,” a rude voice says. 

Jeanine looks up to see Lucy. She has never spoken to Lucy before, she keeps away from most people and Lucy is fairly popular so that makes her even more daunting to talk to. 

“Lucy, hi!” Jeanine attempts to sound sweet, like she doesn’t despise her for how she spoke to Andrew.

Lucy makes a displeased sound with her nose scrunched up before sitting down next to Jeanine. Jeanine looks around, they are in chemistry, she shouldn’t be moving seats. 

“Tell me,” Lucy begins. “Why do you spend time with Andrew?” 

“Because he is like my brother.” That’s a simple answer. She shouldn’t need to give anymore than that. Who she is friends with is her business and hers alone. 

“Hm. So you aren’t together and planning on having weird freakish children that you can raise to be obsessed with school and have no friends?” 

That was far more judgmental than Jeanine was ever expecting. Lucy is supposed to be kind, that’s what people normally say. It seems that Andrew daring to open his mouth around her had really brought out a bad side to her.

“No. Boys and girls can just be friends, you know?” 

It’s outrageous how many times Jeanine has had to explain that to people. Besides, Andrew liked Lucy, not her. She’s getting to the point where she just wants to start shouting at people that ask her if her and Andrew are together. Why is everyone so bothered about them? They also clearly don’t know Jeanine’s living situation.

“They can be,” Lucy agrees. “But it’s very rare.” Lucy looks her up and down, judging every part of her. She doesn’t like the way Jeanine dresses, she never looks like she puts enough effort in. That’s because Jeanine just doesn’t care. School is a place to learn, not a fashion show. She admires people that look so amazing everyday but that is hardly her top priority. “Here’s what I am thinking: you get with Andrew and I can go back to believing that a weirdo doesn’t like me.” 

“Why are you being so cruel about Andrew? What has he ever done to you?” 

“He damages my image,” Lucy says simply. “But your image is already pretty bad anyway.”

“I’m fine with my image.” Jeanine goes back to writing in her notebook, taking down notes from a lesson that she has understood since she was five.

“You’re weird. You know that, right?”

“I think I have been told that a few times,” Jeanine mutters. 

“Please, just try it.” Lucy looks at her again and then an idea comes to mind. “Or we could find you someone else. Yes, that would be an amazing idea. Making you desirable could do a lot for my image.” 

“I don’t need help.”

This is Jeanine’s worst nightmare. She is with Evelyn but she can’t say anything. She doesn’t need this. She doesn’t need to be set up with some boy that makes her want to gag. If it’s a boy that Lucy approves of, he will probably be awful. He won’t be someone that Jeanine can just become friends with. She loves Andrew but she wouldn’t mind making some new friends sometimes. 

Lucy scoffs. “Yes you do.” 

“I really don’t.”

Lucy ignores her. “Meet me outside the library at the end of the day,” She stands. “We have work to do.” 

Evelyn gives her a concerned look from across the other side of the classroom but she just gives her a fake smile. She can’t worry her.

***

“Ah,” Lucy smiles plastically. “You came.” 

“Your Dauntless friends probably would have beaten me up if I didn’t,” Jeanine mutters. 

“At least you know.”

Lucy guides her to her house. Calling what she is doing ‘charity work’ with a sickly sweet smile and pout whenever anyone asks her what she is doing with Jeanine. Jeanine just follows closely behind, her eyes darting around at any sudden noise for fear of someone hurting her. She doesn’t trust this, not one bit. 

Andrew told her not to go but Jeanine knows that isn’t an option. Andrew will have to find his own way home and force himself to think of something other than Jeanine. He can’t stop worrying about what could be happening. How could he ever like Lucy? How could he have been this foolish?

They arrive at Lucy’s apartment and Lucy informs Jeanine that her parents are still at work. They make their way to Lucy’s bedroom, which appears to be blue and glittery. Her wardrobe is bursting with different clothes and there is makeup scattered everywhere.

The mess bugs Jeanine but she knows that making any move to tidy up will only make things worse for her so she tries to ignore the screaming of her brain. It’s exhausting. 

“Now,” Lucy sits down on her bed, her legs swinging. “Do you like anyone?”

Evelyn immediately springs to mind but Jeanine shakes her head. “No.”

“Hm.” Lucy reaches under her bed and pulls out a box. She places it on her lap and opens the lid, revealing pictures of what appears to be every boy in the school. “Luckily for you, I keep tabs on everyone.” 

That’s just really weird, Jeanine thinks, how can she claim that her and Andrew are weird when she does that? 

“Lucky me!” Jeanine sarcastically exclaims. 

Lucy gives her an unimpressed look. “I’m guessing that you would want an Erudite.”

“Interfaction romance in teenage years barely ever works.”

“Jeannie, chill, we are fourteen. This is just someone to play around with.”

“What if I don’t want someone to ‘play around with’? Romance is supposed to have meaning.” 

“It isn’t when you are popular.”

Of course, it’s all about status. 

“Can we just get on with this?” Jeanine requests. She just wants to go home. Go home to Andrew where she doesn’t have to hide.

“Fine.” Lucy picks out a picture of a ginger Erudite boy. “He’s pretty handsome.” She places the picture in Jeanine’s hands. “What do you think of him?” 

“He’s a boy,” Jeanine states the obvious. 

“Well, no shit.” Lucy rolls her eyes. “Do you think that you could kiss him?”

No. Of course she couldn’t. 

“Maybe,” Jeanine lies. She shrugs. “I don’t know, I would have to know him more.” 

“I sense that’s the best I am going to get out of you,” Lucy says. She isn’t wrong. “We will go with him. He has been single for three years now.”

“He wasn’t before?” 

Dating at eleven, that just makes no sense to Jeanine. No sense at all. 

“Obviously not, silly.” Lucy stands and walks over to her wardrobe. “Now for the portion of this where I make you somewhat normal.”

“I’m perfectly normal.” 

Lucy laughs as if that is the most ludicrous thing that she has ever heard. “You hang out with Andrew.”

“Stop being mean about him!” Jeanine stamps her foot on the plush carpet. She’s losing control. She can’t do this.

“Awh,” Lucy pouts. “You are sweet when you are angry.” 

Jeanine has to stop herself from lashing out at her. She’s horrible. 

“Can we just get this over with, please?”

“But we are having so much fun.” 

In what world is this fun? 

“Please,” Jeanine says again, a pleading edge to her voice.

“Fine, whatever.”

Lucy pulls a tight blue skirt out of the wardrobe and throws it at Jeanine. Jeanine holds it out in front of her eyes. It looks far too short. She gets hit by another article of clothing - a light blue t-shirt with fake jewels along the top. 

“You want me to wear this?” Jeanine asks.

“Obviously.” 

“This skirt looks pretty short.” 

Lucy rolls her eyes. “You can’t expect anyone to like you if you go around looking like a nun all the time.” 

Nuns, there aren’t many of them anymore. There is a small convent in Abnegation. They seem nice. 

“Where should I get changed?” 

“Uh, here.” 

“In front of you?” 

Lucy seems offended by that question. “I’m not one of those if that’s what you are worried about,” she spits.

“One of those?” Jeanine knows what she is referring to, she just wants to confirm that there is absolutely no way that she can pull the ‘I have a girlfriend’ card on her and get out of all of this.

“A lesbian.” 

“Oh.” 

She was right. There is no getting out of this. Jeanine can’t help but wonder what she would say if she said ‘well I am’. It’s definitely best not to find out. 

There is no way out so she just begins to get changed, awkwardly attempting to cover her body with different articles of clothing in the process. Jeanine isn’t the skinniest and she has never been comfortable with people seeing her body, much less someone as judgemental as Lucy. 

Norton sometimes makes her get changed in front of him. He says that she needs to get out of dirty clothes that she has worn in the lab. It always makes her uncomfortable.

When Jeanine is dressed, Lucy smiles. “Awh! You look amazing!” she exclaims. “Obviously not as good as me but pretty good.”

“Thanks,” Jeanine murmurs. She keeps trying to make the skirt go down further but Lucy stops her by grabbing her hands. 

Lucy turns over Jeanine’s, now slightly shaking, hands in her hands and inspects them. “You bite your nails,” she says.

What a brilliant observation. “Yes.” 

“Why?” Biting your nails seems like nothing but fashion suicide to Lucy. 

“I have anxiety,” Jeanine tells her. It’s not a secret. As perfect as Jeanine tries to act, she’s still human. 

“That’s not very attractive.” 

“It’s not meant to be.” Jeanine pulls her hands away. “I don’t spend my life trying to be attractive.” 

“You are so weird.” 

“Can we just get on to whatever you are going to do to me next?”

“Okay,” Lucy’s face seems to light up. This is a bit that she will enjoy. “It’s time for makeup.” 

Jeanine wants to scream as Lucy applies several different colours to her face. It’s not that she hates makeup, she wears it most days. It’s just that she usually puts on natural makeup. She wears it to hide how tired she looks. Lucy wears makeup to stand out and Jeanine wants nothing more than to blend in. 

When Lucy is finished, Jeanine can barely recognise herself. There is a heavy layer of blush on her cheeks, a shimmery pink lip gloss on her lips and gold eyeshadow is packed onto her eyelids. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jeanine murmurs. 

“You look lovely. I didn’t know that you could look so pretty.” Lucy actually seems to be complimenting her.

“Thank you,” Jeanine says unenthusiastically. 

“It’s just your attitude that needs work now.”

Jeanine huffs. 

***

“Look at you!” Evelyn exclaims, taking Jeanine’s hand and spinning her around. 

Jeanine is back in her normal clothes, a simple dress, but she still has the makeup on. “Lucy is quite the aspiring makeup artist,” she says.

Evelyn smiles. “I think that you look amazing.” 

“Really?” Jeanine sighs. “Evelyn, I need to talk to you.” 

“Yeah?” Evelyn begins to walk, they are going back to her apartment. They have decided that it’s time that Evelyn’s dad met Jeanine. 

“She got me a date.” 

“She what?! Who?!”

“Well, you don’t have to sound quite so surprised,” Jeanine murmurs. 

“Sorry. I’m just shocked that this is all happening… And a little upset.” 

“I’ll try everything I can to get out of it,” Jeanine promises her. It’s not like she wants to do it. In fact, she would rather do anything else. 

***

“So, what I am hearing, is that you have a girlfriend… and a date.” Andrew can’t help but be jealous. 

“I’m not happy about it, Andrew!” Jeanine exclaims. “I know that you think that it’s unfair but imagine if someone forced you to go out on a date with a boy! It’s the exact same thing! Oh and at the same time you feel guilty for being unfaithful!” 

“I don’t have anyone to be unfaithful to,” Andrew mutters.

“Andrew!” Jeanine shouts.

“Sorry, sorry.” Andrew sighs. “What are you going to do?” 

“Cry.” 

***

“If you fuck this up, I will kill you,” Lucy warns Jeanine, still smiling in a cringeworthy way. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” Lucy leans in and hugs her. “He’s here.” She hits her on the back and pulls away. “Remember, laugh at his jokes and make eye contact.” 

“Okay.” 

“And say something more than ‘okay’!” 

“Okay.” Jeanine smirks.

Lucy rolls her eyes. 

“Hi!” The ginger boy extends his hand out for her to shake. “I’m Simon!” 

“Jeanine.” Jeanine shakes his hand, attempting a small smile. 

“You ready to go?” he asks.

“Never been more excited,” Jeanine says through gritted teeth. 

He laughs and takes her by the arm, guiding her away from Lucy. It takes everything that Jeanine has not to snatch her arm away. He could have at least asked first. 

“Do you go on a lot of dates?” he asks. 

Jeanine laughs nervously. “No. Do you?”

“Eh, a few. They never seem to work out though.” He looks at her and smiles. “Maybe this one will be different.”

It won’t, Jeanine thinks. 

“I try not to get my hopes up for anything in life,” Jeanine says. “Besides, we are young. I don’t know why this matters so much.”

“You don’t seem very excited to be with me.” 

Jeanine wants to tell him that she’s not, that she already is with someone. She wants to tell him that there is no way that she can ever be attracted to him and that it’s not his fault. But she can’t.

“I’m never very excited to be with anyone.” 

That’s not true. She always loves spending time with Andrew, when he’s not talking about Lucy that is. She gets nervous around Evelyn for the right reasons. It’s him that she isn’t excited to be with and she barely even knows anything about him. It’s cruel really.

“Well, that’s really sad.”

“Maybe.” 

They arrive at a small coffee shop. Simon orders for both of them, which works out well for Jeanine since usually Andrew is with her when she has to talk to strangers. 

They sit down at a booth in the corner and Jeanine begins to chew on her straw to try and calm herself down. She feels ill. This is awful. She can’t stop thinking about Evelyn, how this isn’t fair on her. 

“So you have never been on a date before?” Simon strikes up conversation again.

“Once,” Jeanine says. There is no point in lying about that. 

“With who?”

Maybe she should have lied. She can’t say Evelyn. “Just some boy,” Jeanine moves the straw around her drink. “It didn’t go well.” 

“Worked out well for me then.” He smiles.

Jeanine was right, he drops it. He seems like a decent boy overall. It’s a shame that he isn’t on a date with a girl that actually has the ability to like him. 

“Is this what you usually do on dates?” Jeanine changes the subject.

“I suppose,” Simon says. He looks at her closely. Lucy dressed her again. “You look different to how you usually do.” 

“Lucy wanted me to look good for you.” Jeanine looks down at her lap. This is becoming too much and it hasn’t even been an hour yet. What are they meant to talk about? What do people talk about on dates? 

“You seem very anxious,” Simon points out.

Jeanine immediately becomes defensive. “I’m not anxious,” she says far too quickly. 

“Okay.” He decides to drop it, regretting saying anything. He begins to blame himself for all of the dates that have gone wrong. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Jeanine says. 

Deciding to change the subject, Simon asks, “So what’s your usual type?” 

Jeanine blinks several times before even properly processing what he just asked. What is her usual type? Girls. She can’t exactly say that. Maybe she can say something along those lines though? “Feminine… boys.” 

“Feminine?” Simon arches a bushy eyebrow. “I’m not really your type then.” 

“Oh, you have no idea,” Jeanine breathes out. 

“There is a first time for everything though,” he says confidently. 

That would certainly be a first, Jeanine thinks. 

“Yes, yes, I suppose there is.” 

“I’m interested though, tell me more. Most girls would say tall, dark and handsome. It’s what everyone seems to want. It makes life for boys that look like me very challenging.” He genuinely looks interested. He just wants to hear her talk. Anything that she could say would interest him at this point. It’s like talking to a brick wall. 

Jeanine just wants to go home. This is not what she wants to be doing with her Friday. “Uhhh…” She thinks quickly. “Soft features?” That sounds more like a question. Of course it is a question, she has no idea what she is talking about. “Kind eyes.” 

“Kind? How Amity.” 

Jeanine shrugs. “Everyone needs a bit of kindness in their life.” 

“True,” Simon agrees. 

“What’s your usual type?” Jeanine turns his question around on him. She needs to take the focus off of herself. 

“Hm. You, actually.” Simon isn’t lying. Jeanine is definitely his usual type. Blonde, smart, funny and slightly awkward. Well, Jeanine is majorly awkward but she certainly meets the other criteria. 

“Me?” Jeanine goes back to laughing nervously. 

Simon nods. “Yes. 

“Well,” Jeanine laughs again. “How perfect.” She looks at the toilet from across the room. She doesn’t like to go anywhere near toilets in public but she is desperate at this point. “Could you just excuse me for one moment?” 

Simon nods and Jeanine runs off to the toilet, almost tripping. She slams the door and locks it behind her before pulling her phone out of her bag and dialling Andrew’s number. Andrew picks up almost immediately, he has been expecting her to call him. 

“I’m fucked!” Jeanine exclaims as soon as he answers. 

“What’s happened?” Andrew asks on the other end of the line. 

“He says that I am exactly his type and he looks at me like he has already fallen for me!” Jeanine begins to pace. “I don’t know what to do!”

“Just tell him that you don’t like him.” 

“But he seems so nice and I don’t want to hurt his feelings!” Jeanine lets out a quiet scream of frustration. “I wish I just…” Jeanine trails off. Is that true? 

“You wish what?” Andrew asks gently. 

“Sometimes,” Jeanine swallows. “I wish that I liked boys.”

Andrew sighs. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Jeanine mutters, looking at herself in the mirror. She wants to vomit even more now. What is Lucy’s thing with glitter? “It’s my fault,” she says. “I should just tell people. This is only hurting people.” 

“Jeanine,” Andrew sits down on the sofa and Carrie gives him a look to ask him what is going on. ‘The date,’ he mouths at her. Carrie nods and goes back to reading her book. Kevin is still at work. “You don’t owe anyone coming out. That’s for you to decide who you tell and when you tell them.” 

“Maybe, if I would have told people sooner, I wouldn’t be in this hell.” 

“Yeah, well, you didn’t.” Andrew realises that came out harshly and softens his voice. “There is no time for regrets. Do you want me to come and get you?” 

“And say what?” Jeanine can’t see a way out of this without someone getting hurt. “Sorry, I have to steal her away because it turns out that she actually has a girlfriend. Silly her, how could she forget?” 

“I don’t know… I’ll think of something on the way.” 

Andrew hangs up and Jeanine screams again. After recomposing herself, she makes her way back over to Simon. 

“Are you okay?” Simon asks. 

“Never better.” Jeanine gives him a fake smile. She can hold on a little longer, just until Andrew gets here and makes some awful excuse. 

They make small talk, something Jeanine is awful at, for a little longer before Andrew arrives.

Andrew bursts through the door and runs up to Jeanine. He makes himself look distressed. “Quick,” He pants. “Mom is in the hospital.” 

Jeanine’s eyes go wide. “Really?” she hisses. 

“Just come.” Andrew yanks her up and pulls her away from Simon. “Sorry Simon!” he shouts. “Lovely to meet you!” 

Simon watches in shock as the two begin running down the road. 

“Really?!” Jeanine exclaims. “That’s what you came up with?!” 

“Shut up.” 

***

“So it went pretty bad then,” Evelyn says. 

“Yes, but it did get me thinking.” Jeanine sits down next to her on the library floor. They are in a secluded part of the library that barely no one ever comes to. 

“About what?” Evelyn asks. 

“I’m turning fifteen next week, maybe it’s time that I stop hiding.” 

“You mean?” Evelyn waits for Jeaniene to nod before she continues. “But… I'm not ready, Jeanine.” 

“Oh, no, no!” Jeanine says quickly, feeling the need to clarify what she means. “It would just be me. I won’t mention you at all.” 

“If that’s what you want to do.” 

“Maybe.” 

Jeanine still needs to think about it. It’s not really a decision that she can take lightly and she overthinks everything anyway. 

***

“I’ll get it!” Jeanine says when she hears a knock at the apartment door. She throws her textbook down on the sofa and walks towards the door, not expecting to see who she does when she opens it. 

“Hi!” Simon says. He is holding flowers and what appears to be a card. 

“Simon?” Jeanine attempts to control her voice. Of course she would have to see him again so why is she so shocked? 

“This is for Carrie,” he explains, handing her the flowers and envelope. 

“Oh, wow, that’s,” Jeanine sniffs the flowers and then begins to choke. “So lovely,” she manages through coughs.

He smiles at her. 

“Who’s at the door, love?” Kevin asks, walking over to the door and standing behind her. He is much taller. He looks at Simon. “Who are you?” 

“Hi! I’m Simon! I went out on a date with Jeanine.”

Kevin’s eyes widen and then he can’t stop himself from laughing. No one told him about this, only Carrie was informed. “Jeanine,” He points at her. “Went out on a date, with a boy.” He struggles to get the word ‘boy’ out through his laughter, like it is the most ludicrous thing he has ever heard. 

Simon doesn’t understand what he finds funny. Jeanine understands all too well and discreetly kicks him. That’s when Kevin remembers that he can’t act like that around others. He feels bad but manages to pull it back to the best of his ability. 

“We can never get this girl to leave the house,” Kevin gives a fake explanation.

“Oh.” Simon looks between the two. “Well, I hope that your wife recovers well.” 

“Recovers? What is she recovering from?” Kevin asks.

“Andrew said she was in the hospital,” Simon tells him.

Jeanine kicks Kevin again and he gets the message. “Oh! Oh, yes! She just had a nasty fall.” 

Simon seems to accept that and he is on his way back home a few minutes later. Kevin shuts the door, taking the flowers and card from Jeanine, and smirks. “Do you want to explain to me why you went out with a boy?” he asks. 

“Not particularly,” Jeanine murmurs. 

“Lucy forced her into it,” Andrew says, emerging from his bedroom.

“I see.” Kevin looks at his son closely. “Do you care to explain why he thinks that your mother was in the hospital?” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that a genius, Jeanine, would have never come up with an excuse like that. It had to have been Andrew.

Andrew goes bright red. “We needed an excuse to get her out of there.” 

Kevin rolls his eyes lightheartedly. “Your mother is not going to be impressed when she gets home.” Carrie is still at work.

“I couldn’t think of anything else,” Andrew continues to defend his rather bad decision.

“Uh huh.” Kevin turns to Jeanine. “Sorry about the whole laughing thing… But I find it quite hard to believe that people don’t know, Jeanine.” 

“Well they will if you keep acting like that.” Jeanine walks off and goes to her bedroom. Everything has been far too much for her recently. Is she ready for people to know? She doesn’t know. Is she hurting people by them not knowing? Yes. 

Simon is so sweet. He deserves to know the truth. When he does find out the truth, he will come to Jeanine and give her a big hug. “Feminine boys?” he will repeat, a light tone to his voice and an eyebrow raised. Everything will make more sense to him then. But that’s not for a little while yet. 

Jeanine can’t keep hurting people but she also has to think about herself. What if she gets hurt?

Whilst Jeanine questions what to do almost as much as she questioned her sexuality in the first place, Kevin continues to make jokes at Andrew’s expense. 

***

Evelyn looks at Marcus, they are sitting next to each other in faction history. She can’t stop thinking about what Jeanine said. If Jeanine is considering telling the whole school, surely she can tell her best friend. Right? 

“Can I borrow a pencil, Evelyn?” Marcus asks, his hand outstretched. 

“I’m bisexual,” she blurts out. Thankfully her voice was low enough so that only Marcus could hear. 

“Can I borrow a pencil, Evelyn?” Marcus repeats through gritted teeth. 

Evelyn sighs and passes him one of her pencils. She made a mistake.

That evening, Marcus comes round her apartment and they get into a big argument. Marcus leaves fuming. How can the girl he liked now be dating the girl that he likes currently? He only has one answer to how he feels, he needs to hurt Jeanine. 

He will leave it a few more months. He will allow them to get comfortable. Then he will do it. Evelyn will have a decision to make - Jeanine or keeping her secret. The latter will be chosen. 

***

Even though Jeanine was thinking about coming out to everyone, she wasn’t intending for it to be in the way that Marcus did it. He spread some sort of rumour that she had a crush on Evelyn, that’s not a lie, and that she had been flirting with her in an inappropriate manner. That is a lie.

He told the story of a fake sleepover where Jeanine had watched Evelyn get changed and made her heavily uncomfortable before Evelyn left in tears and ran to find him. Like Evelyn would ever seek for comfort in Marcus after the things he called her the day that she came out to him.

Now, Jeanine sits in front of an incredibly angry Norton. He looks at her with disgust and disappointment.

“How could you be so _stupid _?!” Norton shouts, slamming his fists down on his desk in front of Jeanine.__

__Jeanine jumps back out of both fear and surprise. “I-I’m sorry,” she stutters._ _

__“If you are like _that _, you keep it a fucking secret!” Norton continues to shout. “The way it should be!”___ _

____“I don’t want to live in shame!” Jeanine shouts back. She looks down at her hands before a sudden feeling of bravery comes over her. “And neither do the divergents!” She stands up and walks out, slamming the door behind her._ _ _ _

____“Jeanine!” Norton calls after her but Jeanine just keeps walking, wiping tears from her eyes. She will pay for that but it was worth it. She won’t let the divergents hide forever. It’s time to punish the actual enemy - The Bureau of Genetic Welfare._ _ _ _


End file.
